Awakening | My eternal gratefulness

A year ago, I turned twenty-one.

Within the year, I smiled and laughed; tears flowed. 

I was showered with love and guidance, learning day by day.

Always trying to be better than I was the day before.

This year, let's grow together and love each other more.

Remember when we were young, all we wanted on our birthdays was to be the kings and queens, getting people to give in and grant our wishes on this special day? As we grew, a simple cake and dinner with family and friends would suffice. Who knew there would eventually be a time when we realise that birthdays are no longer that important?

“Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these.”

― Susan B. Anthony

True enough, all I wanted to do this birthday was to keep it a secret and live it like any other day. At least until I figured out reasons why one should even celebrate their birthdays...

I took a really long time, thinking about the past year. Turning 21 didn't seem particularly exciting or frightening at first. Then, it gradually became more interesting, yet scary at the same time.

GEM | SuPreMeS | NTU Fest | Income

Starting my first few months as a 21-year-old in a foreign country all alone during exchange, it was pretty fun. With zero knowledge on their culture and language, I just packed my bags and went on solo weekends travels without caring shit about the world. The Skype sessions and regular texts from friends and family were heartwarming reminders that there will always be people out there who genuinely care about you.

Upon returning to Singapore, I assumed I would be wasting the rest of year 3 away. Little did I know, I was warmly welcomed into the organising committees of SuPreMeS and NTU Fest. It was wonderful, meeting new people and making great friends. They kept me occupied and smiling throughout the supposedly-empty semester, especially when I was at my worst towards the end...

Watching friends around me getting summer internships while I was waiting fruitlessly for weeks took a huge impact on me. My confidence took a hit with every rejection, and I entered this really dark phase of life with overwhelming feelings of inferiority. (THANKS YIJIE ♡ For being so patient and constantly reminding me that I'm not as cui as I thought) I was overjoyed when Income kindly offered me a place in RFS, a great department with extremely lively and kind mentors/colleagues. 3 months of joy and happiness passed in a blink of eye and I was thrown back to school commitments.

Fatigue set in day after day as we prepared for SuPreMeS and NTU Fest. Catching barely 3 hours of sleep every night for 2 weeks screwed up my body clock so badly, it's still not working properly up till now (it's already week 6 omg). Tears have been shed since shit started to happen; losing friendships, which I initially thought would last forever, certainly broke me. But after everything that had happened and all that I've been through, I became better and stronger (and maybe a lot more emotional haha). And if I ever had to choose my options again a year ago, I'd still choose this insane route over and over again. 

This rite of passage into adulthood was definitely the craziest emotional roller coaster ride I have ever been on. The smiles and laughter I had, the amount of tears I've shed and the love I have received in this year surpassed any other years'. One harsh year of learning to be a better person with a bigger heart, it had been a truly amazing one. 😌

Cheers to a greater year ahead.

And to you, who is reading this now, thank you for being part of my life ♡